No One of Importance
by tsukirabbit
Summary: The ruler of the desolate planet of Saturn spends time with Elysion Priest Helios and comes to a disheartening realization. She is but Saturn, no one of importance. Featuring unrequited love x2!


Written by me a very _long_ time ago when I was still in school. I posted it briefly on another account and was ashamed of it so took it off quietly without much fuss. Recently I've found out someone (who I am pretty sure I know,) had saved this story, retooled it, and added it to their own account in a different fandom with name changes and all. I was livid at first, but then I felt flattered. So, in all it's glory and hideousness I re-upload this story that I wrote when I was a little pup. It doesn't hold up well, but it does hold up well enough to plagiarize, apparently. Ok, maybe I'm still a little bitter about that and this is my pleas to the person to please remove my work from their page!  Ok, got that out of the way? Good. Now on with the story...it's short, but I hope you enjoy.

No One of Importance

My hair isn't luscious and full and so _very_ pink, and it isn't placed back sensibly in a odangos. My eyes are endless wine red that sparkle in the sun with mirth and love.

My hair is long and stringy, oily even. It gives off the appearance of being perpetually unkempt no matter what I do. My eyes are a murky purple bordering on black. They speak of lifelessness and of death that I guard so carefully with my silence glaive.

My skin isn't porcelain-like and smooth, unmarred by the fractions of war and rosy with life. It isn't a silky white, an alluring shade both exotic and familiar to Crystal Tokyo all at the same unexplainable time.

My skin, is in fact, rather ailing looking. A side effect from a sickly childhood I suppose.

I am not the Girl with the Golden Dreams. Whose laughter rings like sweet bells.

I dream very little, and when I do they are not full of winged horses and pleasant things. They are of death and torture and everything that is _life_. And when I laugh it sounds crude and raw and foreign to even my own ears.

I don't have his heart. Which, to me, is the most important fact. One that I cannot overlook no matter how I desperately try.

He has mine, but I do not have his.

I'm kind, shy, and maybe a bit moody. I am not quick minded when it comes to my words with a sharp tongue and a fierce determination that is unparalleled anywhere on universe.

I am nothing like _her_.

I'm not Usagi Small Lady Serenity.

Sometimes I wished I were, though. Sometimes being most of the time, that is.

But, I'm not Usa-Chan. I'm Hotaru Tomoe, more often know as Saturn these days. Like the others I felt myself die as Hotaru and become reborn as Saturn at the emergence of the Crystal Empire. I am no longer a girl, I am a warrior of silence and destruction. A necessary evil amongst all these forces of good. Appearance wise I am very different from the youthful Princess. I am but a lanky dark haired girl with a hooked sort of nose and too-large purple eyes that look more than a little eerie on my too-pale, too sickly appearing skin. Well, I'm not _as_ lanky anymore, and I have gotten a bit of a tan since the beginning of Crystal Tokyo, but the above statement still stands. I am just Saturn. No one of real importance.

It has been exactly nineteen years, five months, and two days since the birth of Crystal Tokyo and the end of our old lives. And it's been exactly eight months since Helios returned to Crystal Tokyo, white roses in his hand. He's broken, and haunted, and a far cry from the boy a younger Usa once told me about with pure barely contained glee, but he is there and is heart is open all the same.

What had happened to him in his time far off I had yet gotten the courage to ask. I probably never will. What ever had happened it had changed him, and he wasn't Usa's winged guardian of dreams anymore. He was different. It is no surprise that, after waiting for so long, Usa did not return this man's love. He isn't the same. He knows this and she knows this. It is a bitter reality the two had to face some time ago.

He was now like me. Unwhole and defective. A strange, dark creature in this brightly colored, peaceful world. A stain on the never ending light that permeates every inch of the planet like a beacon.

He avoids most people now that it has been made clear Usa's heart belongs to another. He even avoids her, as she does him I think; but he doesn't avoid me. Of this I am quietly happy.

Me, the solider of ruin, the girl whom everyone but a close selection of friends fears and even despises. He chooses me to be his confidant. And so we become friends of a sort...

"Have you spoken to the Princess lately?" I ask one day, casually as we sit by the lake watching the sunset. It is the Crystal Lake we sit near by. It is some miles away from the Crystal Palace and the bustle of Crystal Tokyo. We find ourselves here more often than not. It is a good place to relax, to hear our thoughts, and to soothe the undercurrent that seems to be raging at all times in our minds.

At my question he hesitates for a moment. We don't speak of the not-so Small Lady. We don't speak of the royal family. We don't speak of my work as a senshi. We don't speak of anything in the past unless he starts it. We aren't quiet _there_ yet. I supposed the memories of the past are too tightly correlated with the knowledge of what he lost.

I fiddle with blades of grass innocently, trying to appear as if I'm not waiting on his answer with baited breath. I don't want to care, but I do.

I love Usa, I really do.

But the love I feel for Helios is very different, and I admit that this scares me.

"Briefly," he mumbles, not bothering to look at me.

We sit there for a moment in silence. I imagine I could almost hear dusk's crickets chirping.

"When?" I ask curiously. He hadn't mentioned it to me and this bothers me a little, more than it probably should to be honest.

He then tells me how he accidentally came across Princess Usa when she was out with Peruru. He says Peruru's name with a bit of disdain and I can understand. After all she chose him. He tells me how Usa and he exchanged pleasantries and then how they went their separate ways shortly after. Then he speaks no more of her or the meeting.

And I see the lack of light in his eyes, his humorless smile and I want to snap. Despite what everyone seemed to believe I had not become a hallow void, I still felt emotions, and this one I was feeling intensely. I feel nearly livid with anger rising in the pit of my stomach. I like Usa, love her like a sister, really. I admired her for more than a few reasons, but still. Still I knew she didn't deserve this kind of devotion from him. And I wanted to tell my best friend exactly that. Wanted to scream it to him, wanted to make him understand that she was just as flawed and as imperfect as the rest of us and that he could find someone who would love him just as much as he loved them. That he needn't not wait on a princess when he could have a warrior.

But I don't. I never do.

"It must be rough," I say solemnly, no longer gazing at him. "To love someone so deeply the way you love her and have them not return your feelings." Maybe a part of me wants these words to sting, maybe a bitter, spiteful part of me hopes they do, but the biggest part of me, Saturn - and the girl who was once just Hotaru, just wants to get them off of her chest.

For the first time since we begun speaking he looked at me. His golden eyes seem hallow and void, and I visibly frown.

He mumbles something under his breath that I strain to hear over the crickets that are now certainly not in my imagination.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"I said that you know exactly what it feels like, Saturn." He gives me a knowing look and my facade of normalcy, of contentment, finally it begins to crumble.

I feel my eyes start to water for the first time in what seems like a millennium and I almost want to laugh at the thought of it all. I know he knows, he knows I know he knows now. We all know. My face flushes with heat as I look away from his gaze back out onto the still water.

I want to say something, anything, but I can't find the words. Helios gathers his before mine.

"I'm sorry, Saturn," and I know exactly what he is apologizing for. He's apologizing for not being able to love me the way he loves Usa, and this knowledge hurts and stings and reverberates through every inch of me as I slowly nod my head, letting my tears fall onto my knees which I have now curled up to my chin where we sat. I feel young and vulnerable, I do not feel powerful at all in this moment.

"And I'm sorry too, Helios," I tell him honestly, more honest than I've ever been in my life.

He blinks. "Sorry for what?"

"Sorry I can't be your Princess for you."

Because if I could, I would.

In the end, I'm just, _only_ Saturn. With glaive in hand, I am no one of importance.

End


End file.
